After last week's post, one reader sent me a note about the “Startling experience of reading how you really feel about your life experiences. Most people tuck those feelings carefully away, seldom revealing them to themselves, much less to others.” I am glad to use her words. Today, she is this blog's expert.
What she does not see are all the feelings that I really have tucked away, hidden behind some of the words I write and, more starkly, the words I choose to keep to, and away from, myself.
This week is a test. It is one that I think I have failed. Maybe I am being hard on myself, because this week is one where I have tucked away a lot of feelings. Maybe I am being hard on myself because this week was hard.
The week left me with so little energy or time to create something wonderful for you—and a lot of other people who may never read this. This is not an excuse. A blogger has an obligation to tell the story of the day. Current. Topical. From the heart.
But the events that have put my heart in this place are a bit too hard to relive on the page, right now. I am tired. I am hungry. I can't sleep. I can't eat.
To paraphrase one of our prototypical Minnesotans, guitarist Leo Kottke, I just may have told the world a whole lot more about myself than I ever intended. At the same time, I am tucking away my feelings and the events that surround them.
One of the aims of this blog is to show others for the experts they are. (This means I need you to leave comments—or send comments via e-mail, firstname.lastname@example.org, even if they are not compliments.) Another feature is one that I should, as a blogger, try to avoid: writing to protect the guilty. So, I am tucking away my feelings, to protect the guilty, especially if “the guilty” is me.
Maybe you have read between the lines of this post and have pieced together and untucked the events and feelings for yourself. Maybe you already know the “more than I ever intended.” Whether you know or not, I'm not ready to tell.
P.S. I have been told that many have had difficulty posting comments on blogs. If you are having problems, try posting as anonymous or just write/e-mail me if you want me to post it for you.